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Big Girls Don't Cry
It sucks ass to be me right now. It's been a year and 2 days since I posted on this blog...and notwithstanding the last 2 weeks (which I've mostly spent crying) it has been a mighty good year and 2 days. I honestly didn't think I'd ever be back on this blog--I thought my circus-freak style dating days were behind me. Not. So. Fast. My heart has been broken and ripped out of my chest and I have been forced from the glorious co-dependent warmth of an actual relationship back into the cold, cruel world of dating/being slutty/feeling sorry for myself. I'm pretty much a fucking mess right now. If I make it 24 hours without crying it's a miracle. I've gone on some pretty epic food binges too--because obviously getting fat would REALLY help my self-loathing right now. Consuming 4,000 calories while crying during the season finale of Glee has been a personal low for me in the past 3 days. Although, having my 10 year son old hug me and tell me everything will be okay while I cry like a child wasn't really my best moment either. This can't seriously be my life right now. What the hell is wrong with me? 
It's going to take me a while to work back up to pimping myself out on the internet...although I have a feeling the sooner I get back out there the sooner I will stop obsessing about him and be able to let him go. Luckily there's something about desperate, single guys trolling the internet that boosts my self-esteem. Don't judge. In the meantime this blog will offer some much needed catharsis while my heart learns what Fergie doesn't know shit about--that fairy tales don't always have happy endings--do they?
It sucks ass to be me right now. It's been a year and 2 days since I posted on this blog...and notwithstanding the last 2 weeks (which I've mostly spent crying) it has been a mighty good year and 2 days. I honestly didn't think I'd ever be back on this blog--I thought my circus-freak style dating days were behind me. Not. So. Fast. My heart has been broken and ripped out of my chest and I have been forced from the glorious co-dependent warmth of an actual relationship back into the cold, cruel world of dating/being slutty/feeling sorry for myself. I'm pretty much a fucking mess right now. If I make it 24 hours without crying it's a miracle. I've gone on some pretty epic food binges too--because obviously getting fat would REALLY help my self-loathing right now. Consuming 4,000 calories while crying during the season finale of Glee has been a personal low for me in the past 3 days. Although, having my 10 year son old hug me and tell me everything will be okay while I cry like a child wasn't really my best moment either. This can't seriously be my life right now. What the hell is wrong with me? 
It's going to take me a while to work back up to pimping myself out on the internet...although I have a feeling the sooner I get back out there the sooner I will stop obsessing about him and be able to let him go. Luckily there's something about desperate, single guys trolling the internet that boosts my self-esteem. Don't judge. In the meantime this blog will offer some much needed catharsis while my heart learns what Fergie doesn't know shit about--that fairy tales don't always have happy endings--do they?
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