Hot Mess

We broke it off via text.  He didn't even have the decency to call me.  What is it with me and douche bags?  Why is every guy I like a complete ass hole?  And for the love of baby Jesus why, after all of this, do I still like him and want him and can't stop thinking about him??  I might need therapy after all.  Or I need a girl's night out.  Since a girl's night out doesn't involve me baring my dark and damaged soul to someone while they charge me ass loads of money I think I will go with a girl's night out.  It's cheaper and funner (yes I know that funner isn't a word) and offers the chance of a making out with someone.  This could be exactly what I need right now!

For the record...when I go out and have a goal of making out with a cute boy I rarely fail.  In fact, Halloween may have been my only failure...but I am blaming that on the venue--there just wasn't enough selection (I refuse to believe I looked THAT hideous in my costume).  I am heading out for a night on the town armed with the bitterness of being screwed by Vegas Boy (and not in a good way) and showing plenty of cleavage--I'm basically a hot mess.  Failure is not an option.  I desperately need to stop thinking about Vegas Boy...I need a distraction...even if only for a night...even if I have to be drunk...even if I need a shot of penicillin in the morning.  Well...maybe not the penicillin.

In My Head

I am the master of subtlety. Truly I am. Which is how I chose to handle the Vegas Boy issue. But as it turns out boys are stupid and don't respond to subtlety--go figure. After several failed attempts to do this in a way that would maintain a tiny bit of my dignity I finally laid it all on the line...against my better judgment I was completely forward and honest and all that dumb crap that makes guys wonder if you are on the rag. All I got out of him was "I like you a lot--let's leave it at that for now." Are you fucking kidding me? This is not the response I was hoping for. This isn't even a response that is acceptable at this point.

Now I am playing our weekends over again in my head...this time I am seeing it all in a whole different light. O....M....Fing....G! I've been had like a two bit hooker. For the past 2 months I have been the star of "He's Just Not That Into You." I am pretty sure there is only one thing he was "into" if you get my drift. Ugh. I feel like a complete and utter idiot right now. Lucky for me I've been an idiot on enough occasions that I feel an odd sense of familiarity as it welcomes me back with open arms.

There is a silver lining though. Along with the realization that he's just not that into me comes something even better. Something I probably would have had to pay a shit ton of money in therapy to discover. Vegas Boy represents all the rejection I faced from elementary school through high school. He's the Holy Grail of boys that I wanted but could never have...that I never even stood a chance at having...that never even knew I existed. Having him now would somehow cancel out all that rejection and would prove I am not the homely loser I was back then. Wow--I've reached a new height of emotional dysfunction (even by my standards). But now I know what I have to do. I have to walk away. I SUCK at this part though. I don't want to walk away. I want the boy. I don't want to admit defeat. I want my fucking trophy! I want him to want me--but he doesn't. Welcome to Loserville. Population: 1.

Kryptonite

Aaaahhhh....Vegas Boy (sigh). If I was a superhero Vegas Boy would be my kryptonite. I have no idea why he has the effect on me that he does but it is useless to fight it--absolutely and utterly useless. All it really took was an email and a couple text messages and we were back in business with our hot and heavy flirting. I knew I would have to step it up a bit to get back on his radar but I am not completely without charm. My morals and values might be in question but my charm is undeniable (this might be a slight exaggeration but whatever). 

Vegas Boy came to visit me for the weekend...and it was great. We have lots of fun together. Granted, our clothes are off quite often but it isn't as though we can't carry on a conversation or anything. It is evident that we have excellent chemistry but as it turns our personalities are also a good compliment to each other too. After having "fun" all weekend it was now my turn to head to Vegas. Between my 2 trips up to Vegas he took me to a show at the Wynn, hiking at Red Rock, showed me his office (if you can call a porn studio an office), took me to dinner, cooked for me, etc. Both times I had a fantastic time and our affectionate sarcasm towards each other had found a perfect rhythm. 

I hate how much I like Vegas Boy. I really REALLY do. If I knew he was as into me as I am into him it wouldn't be so fucking annoying...but I don't know that. I might never know that. Unless I ask...

Blah Blah Blah

I am a dip shit and for that I am very sorry--blah blah blah, etc etc etc.  But get over it and just thank baby Jesus that I am back blogging because you all know that reading about my fucked up life really makes you feel better about yourself (which is selfish and you should be ashamed).  However, I will accept the fact that my blog is a public service to my 7 followers and be content that my life, although a disaster in its own right, can bring people joy and happiness in the form of side splitting laughter at my expense.  I am nothing if not a humanitarian.

It will probably take a week of blog entries to update you on the 5 months I was MIA....damn that's sad.  5 blog entries to sum up 5 months.  Wow.  If my self-esteem could actually get any lower this might really make me feel pathetic.  Lucky me I guess.  On to the update:

You may think that my failure to continue blogging was because I met someone great from my CL ad and was off in blissful happiness with my new love.  I am laughing my ass off right now at the absurdity of that notion.  It would have been more likely that I was killed by someone from CL and none of you had heard about it because my body was never found.  But fear not faithful readers...like with most things in my life I merely lost interest in my CL boys about a week or so after I posted my ad.  Out of all my replies I had one guy with major potential though.  We shared many witty emails before moving on to phone conversations where I dazzled him with my brilliant charm and pure awesomeness.  CL Boy was from New York so he had an accent that made me want to start peeling my clothes off in the middle of each conversation (is this just me?).  He was funny and smart...in shape and really cute...owned a home and was employed--shockingly enough, all the things you don't expect from CL.  But there was a problem...and unfortunately it was a deal breaker.  He was a man-child.  He stood a mere 5'8" off the ground.  I tried to get over it.  Really I did.  He was 28 so my hopes that he would hit a growth spurt were futile.  We were set to meet twice...and twice I flaked on him (and yes I used fake "kid" excuses each time).  After flaking on him the second time I just stopped responding to his calls and emails--what was the point?  So, with my self-esteem marginally boosted due to my CL ad (yes, having a midget from CL want to meet me actually increased my self-esteem--stop judging me!!!) I shifted my focus back to Vegas Boy and that's when things started to heat up...