Blah Blah Blah

I am a dip shit and for that I am very sorry--blah blah blah, etc etc etc.  But get over it and just thank baby Jesus that I am back blogging because you all know that reading about my fucked up life really makes you feel better about yourself (which is selfish and you should be ashamed).  However, I will accept the fact that my blog is a public service to my 7 followers and be content that my life, although a disaster in its own right, can bring people joy and happiness in the form of side splitting laughter at my expense.  I am nothing if not a humanitarian.

It will probably take a week of blog entries to update you on the 5 months I was MIA....damn that's sad.  5 blog entries to sum up 5 months.  Wow.  If my self-esteem could actually get any lower this might really make me feel pathetic.  Lucky me I guess.  On to the update:

You may think that my failure to continue blogging was because I met someone great from my CL ad and was off in blissful happiness with my new love.  I am laughing my ass off right now at the absurdity of that notion.  It would have been more likely that I was killed by someone from CL and none of you had heard about it because my body was never found.  But fear not faithful readers...like with most things in my life I merely lost interest in my CL boys about a week or so after I posted my ad.  Out of all my replies I had one guy with major potential though.  We shared many witty emails before moving on to phone conversations where I dazzled him with my brilliant charm and pure awesomeness.  CL Boy was from New York so he had an accent that made me want to start peeling my clothes off in the middle of each conversation (is this just me?).  He was funny and smart...in shape and really cute...owned a home and was employed--shockingly enough, all the things you don't expect from CL.  But there was a problem...and unfortunately it was a deal breaker.  He was a man-child.  He stood a mere 5'8" off the ground.  I tried to get over it.  Really I did.  He was 28 so my hopes that he would hit a growth spurt were futile.  We were set to meet twice...and twice I flaked on him (and yes I used fake "kid" excuses each time).  After flaking on him the second time I just stopped responding to his calls and emails--what was the point?  So, with my self-esteem marginally boosted due to my CL ad (yes, having a midget from CL want to meet me actually increased my self-esteem--stop judging me!!!) I shifted my focus back to Vegas Boy and that's when things started to heat up...