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I'm On A Boat
I am back from the cruise and it was GREAT! If any of you have had the pleasure of seeing how much food I can cram down my gullet (it is truly a sight to behold!) then you would know that cruising is right up my alley. Endless food 24/7. It was heaven on earth for me. But obviously no one is here reading my blog hoping I will tell you all about my meals and snacks. No. You want the good stuff. Well, lets just get one thing out of the way right now--there are 2 types of people that go on cruises: families and lesbians. I have never been visually accosted by so many carpet munchers in my entire frigging life. No offense to the gay community or anything...but if you look like Rosie O'Donnell please do not undress me with your eyes--you are nasty and gross and even in my deepest, darkest hour of desperation I will not be switching teams--especially not for you. Move along please.
There was one hot guy in my immediate vicinity my first day out by the pool. He had a nice body, a great tan, and was pretty darn cute. I almost immediately began to have impure thoughts about him. He walked by me (which was a little out of his way) much more often than necessary...we made eye contact...we smiled...we were both obviously checking each other out. When I saw him later at lunch with his little sister and parents I excused myself to go take a shower (and NO, not to do THAT!). Holyfuck! I am practically a pedophile on the fast track to a prison sentence. This is not good. I'm on a boat with boys that aren't legal...and dads that have absolutely no business taking their shirts off in public. I'm going to need some liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.
But all hope is not lost. I have realized a huge error in my way of thinking...I have been looking at the wrong people--the passengers are not my man candy. The hot young LEGAL guys are the ones that WORK on the boat! My mind flashes to Dirty Dancing. This is going to be awesome. I am Baby in search of my Johnny. I can hear the theme song right now. It's time to go slumming!
There was one hot guy in my immediate vicinity my first day out by the pool. He had a nice body, a great tan, and was pretty darn cute. I almost immediately began to have impure thoughts about him. He walked by me (which was a little out of his way) much more often than necessary...we made eye contact...we smiled...we were both obviously checking each other out. When I saw him later at lunch with his little sister and parents I excused myself to go take a shower (and NO, not to do THAT!). Holyfuck! I am practically a pedophile on the fast track to a prison sentence. This is not good. I'm on a boat with boys that aren't legal...and dads that have absolutely no business taking their shirts off in public. I'm going to need some liquor. Lots and lots of liquor.
But all hope is not lost. I have realized a huge error in my way of thinking...I have been looking at the wrong people--the passengers are not my man candy. The hot young LEGAL guys are the ones that WORK on the boat! My mind flashes to Dirty Dancing. This is going to be awesome. I am Baby in search of my Johnny. I can hear the theme song right now. It's time to go slumming!
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