Snakes On a Plane (Bring It)

I have a plan.  My plan is simple yet effective and, although it's been suggested, does not involve prostitution--even though that might actually be my best option.  You get paid to have sex.  Sounds easy to me.  I suffered through years of sex with my ex-husband that I didn't get paid for.  In my opinion prostitution would have been a step up.  In fact I should just consider his huge child support checks as my back-pay and call it good.

My plan has 3 steps.  The first step is to lay the foundation.  I need a little boost.  I need to know that there are some guys out there desperate enough to want to date me.  And where better to find desperate guys than CL?  Please bear in mind...I am not looking for dates during this step.  I just want to know that I am wanted by some guys...no matter how gross or creepy (and yes, this speaks volumes about my own desperation at this time--there is no need to point and laugh).  Once I am no longer plagued with self loathing I will move on to step #2.

Here is my CL ad:

I'm not going to lie. Posting on CL is not my first choice when it comes to meeting men...so in the spirit of full disclosure, if we do wind up meeting I will never admit to anyone that we met on craigslist--please don't fight me on this one.

Here's the deal. I am divorced. As it turns out getting married at 19 doesn't always turn out quite as well as you thought it would while you were drunk in Vegas saying " I do." I consider that a lesson learned and will make every effort to be sober next time I tie the knot. I also have kids. Two of them. They are both at least halfway to 18 which means they are pretty much on "cruise control" now. I figure I parented them well enough during the early years that reality TV and video games can now put the finishing touches on them and get them ready for the real world. So other than the birthing videos that I might make you watch (to scare you into NOT impregnating me) you probably won't even know I have kids.

I don't want to get your hopes up or anything but other than being damaged goods with some carry-on baggage I am sort of awesome (this is my ad and I can write whatever I want to). I was an ugly duckling up until my 20's--which means I was forced to develop a personality because I couldn't rely on my looks to carry me through life. Luckily things changed for the better when I stopped getting perms and wearing clothes my mom made for me. Getting my braces off and plucking my eyebrows probably helped a little too.

If you think we might hit it off please feel free to send me an email...or contact CPS directly to file your complaint about my parenting skills. Either way, have a great day.

Game on.  Bring it!