I must not being doing this right because it's not getting any easier. I'm trying to focus on the kids and getting into bikini shape but it isn't helping. I miss him. I even miss his ring tone--especially his ring tone! What once use to be an indicator that he was in Vegas thinking about me is now just a huge chasm of silence. The sound that could light me up and awaken the butterflies in my stomach is no more. It's been over a week now and the silence is killing me...killing me softly...if you would consider being bludgeoned to death with a cleaver as "softly". This blows.
I am now at the stage where I am second guessing myself. Did I really need to push him to express his "feelings" for me? What the fuck was I thinking? Who the hell does that to a guy? No guy wants to be put in that position. There were plenty of indicators that he cared about me. I am now about 60% sure that he wasn't using me for sex. 60% aint bad right? It could be worse. If I start judging things based on "it could have been worse" then in retrospect things are starting to look pretty damn good. Who would drive from Vegas to San Diego for a booty call anyway? The boy is FINE--he definitely doesn't have to drive 5 hours for sex. I completely self-sabotaged any possible relationship I could have had with Vegas Boy because I have the emotional maturity of newborn. I officially suck at life.
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