Already Gone

The thought of dating again horrifies me. I am either really really bad at it or I have the worst luck in the whole effing world. I am willing to admit it might be a combination of both. I am the sort of girl who looks good on paper. Well...I look good on paper if we don't mention that I am divorced from a Navy guy with Special Ops training....or that I have 2 kids that take up a large portion of my time, patience, and money....or that I have a job with no real potential for advancement. Okay. Amendment. I am the sort of girl who can send witty emails and create a great first impression and then ease the guy into the fact that I am a divorced mom with a dead-end job (that I actually love) and a dwindling bank account. Somehow I am able to make these things sound charming and cute and I score a date. It is the next part that sucks. The "meeting him in person" part. Actually....I don't think I suck too badly at this part. This is the part that sucks FOR ME. Because we meet and I immediately know that I never want to see him again but I can't tell him that. I'm already gone.  I checked out.  I am making my grocery list in my head but I am either too polite or too much of a coward to be honest. I probably walk the thin line that separates politeness from cowardice. I just can't help it. Honesty to that extent is foreign to me...it terrifies me...and I can't do it. This is what gets me in trouble...this is what makes my life more difficult. This is what I bitch to my friends about. This is why dating is a pain in my ass and I am only going back out there so I have stuff to blog about. I hope you people are happy. I hope you can bask in the warm glow of my misery without choking on the guilt that you should be feeling from using my dating life for your own personal entertainment. Look out craigslist....here I come!