Haven't Met You Yet

Today is better.  Today I am back to thinking that Vegas Boy is a jack ass...a sad, disappointing jack ass.  These days are easier days.  Today I can see that I gave him multiple opportunities to step up and show me he felt something for me.  Sure, I put him in the position where he had to do or say something...but we aren't in high school for fuck sake.  This isn't all about games and not letting the girl know you like her because then she will lose interest.  Having sexual chemistry does not imply the presence of feelings--any girl who isn't a total nut case knows this (which is pretty much the only distinction between me and a total nut case).  I am not the type of girl that can or will put herself out on a limb and hope my heart isn't methodically fed through a meat grinder.  I have gone out on that limb before and I have fallen out of the tree and really fucked myself up.  I put myself out there as far as I could with Vegas Boy...and got nothing in return.  I gambled and I lost.  I lived and I learned.  He's missing out on a pretty cool girl though...a girl that some guy will appreciate--kwirks and all.  So to that guy I ask "Where the hell are you already?"  I know you are out there..I just haven't met you yet.

Can't Be Tamed

So what is going on with me and Vegas Boy now?  Absolutely nothing.  So far I have successfully resisted the urge to send him an email...which at this point would basically be the equivalent of boiling a rabbit on his stove.  I have GOT to let go of this already.  What makes it a little more difficult is that he gave me a Mother's Day gift.  He got me an iPhone.  He's known I have wanted one for a long time and had long ago mentioned that he wanted to get me one.  So what am I supposed to do now?  I am forcing myself not to read anything into this.  He knows my kids can't really do something special for me for Mother's Day...so he was just being nice.  He can be nice to me and not want to be in a relationship with me--as much as I wish that wasn't the case.  The fucker is impossible to get a read on and subtleties either fly right over his head or he completely ignores him.  And to add insult to injury he's impervious to my charm....the boy just can't be tamed.  I realize now that never stood a chance.  I must have run over a a litter of puppies or something because Karma is being a royal bitch!

I can't let this drag me down again.  How long can I feel like shit over one guy?  A guy that wasn't even technically my boyfriend.  I don't even know what we were.  We were in some sort of grey area where emotions are choked out like hookers in snuff films.  The problem is that I have no idea how to get over a guy that has me this sprung.  I have never been in this position before and I can only hope that going through this has paid back whatever debt I apparently owed to dating society.  It is time to put on a smile because when one door closes, a window opens....or some stupid shit like that.  Shut up.  I'm trying.

Waking Up In Vegas

Oh boy.  What a weekend.  Let's just start by saying the kids and I had a great time.  The Mandalay Bay was awesome, the weather was perfect, and Supercross was bad ass.  The only problem is that I now despise myself--and I'm talking deep dark hatred that has me cloaked in all sorts shame and self loathing.  I am such a loser.  Why on earth did I think I was mentally stable enough to see Vegas Boy?  Why, why, why?!?  This was the WORST possible thing I could have done.  I thought I was over this.  What the fuck is wrong with me?  Okay....the list is too long to go into detail but in regards to Vegas Boy I can easily say that I have never been so physically attracted to a guy before--and that simple fact is what brings me to my knees.  I have absolutely no control over my raging maniacal attraction to him.  It certainly didn't help that he's been hitting the gym really hard the last couple months and looked freaking amazing.  It also didn't help that he got his hair cut really short which looks super hot on him.  He doesn't even try to look good and he does.   DAMN!!

Obviously nothing happened.  My kids were with us the entire time so there was only some mild flirtation...and he sent me a text after dinner on Friday night proclaiming how badly he wanted to rip my clothes off.  UGH!  I really didn't need to know that.  It's already been established that there is a mutual attraction between us and some really good chemistry...the kind of chemistry that breaks furniture and chips paint off the walls (I kid you not).  But that's it.  That's all he has to offer.  I need someone with a little more emotional depth and maturity than a bag of rocks.  But that doesn't stop me from wanting him more than I have ever wanted anyone else in my entire life!  So here I am.  Again.  Back where I started.  Wanting a boy that doesn't want me.  That's what I get for waking up in Vegas.

If We Ever Meet Again

This morning I head to Vegas.  (Stop rolling your eyes at me!)  This trip has been on tap since February...when the kids and I went to Supercross and--upon hearing the location--quickly decided we should go to the finals in Vegas (this presented the perfect opportunity to plan a road trip to see Vegas Boy).  I wish I could say I was still high from the exhaust fumes the next morning when I bought the 4 tickets--but we all know I wasn't.  Theoretically Vegas Boy should have met my kids by this point...but that hasn't happened for obvious reasons.  So now I have a problem.  The right thing to do is to see if Vegas Boy still wants to come with us since that was the original plan (which Vegas Boy was well aware of)....so I extended the invitation to him a couple weeks ago.  Of course I wanted him to accept...but as soon as he did I felt nothing but dread.  I don't want to see him again.  I honestly have no desire to spend an evening making awkward conversation with him while drool pours out of my mouth--or worse yet having my children witness this horror!  I am OVER wanting someone who doesn't want me.  I have spent the last month avoiding his phone calls.  I would sometimes even avoid listening to my voicemail for days at a time because I didn't want to hear his voice.  I was doing all I could to keep that door firmly shut.  Part of me was even hoping he'd flake out and not be able to go to Supercross. 

No such luck.  He called several days ago and asked if he could take me and the kids out to dinner tonight (are you fucking kidding me??).  I agreed to dinner plans but I am less than enthusiastic about it.  I can't comprehend how he thinks this is a good idea.  I guess it is too much to hope for that he will flake out on dinner AND Supercross...or get hit by a bus.  I need to focus on the positive.  I am going to spend 2 days at the Mandalay Bay pool surrounded by hot (shirtless) guys and I happen to look really good right now--I am amazingly close to being in the best shape of my life (I am only 2 short of a 6 pack)...I have the perfect early summer tan...my skin looks great...and I have been experiencing an exceptional number of good hair days.  So, Vegas Boy, if we ever meet again--THIS is what you are missing out on!

I Like It

McDreamy Boy lives in Utah.  Yes this blows in a rather unpleasant way.  But he did tell me this fact in his second email so my hopes weren't exceedingly high for an extended period of time or anything.  Sure...I was already ripping his clothes off in my mind...and planning our first rendezvous...and our wedding...and our honeymoon.  But this will still totally work.  It might even be better than him living here.  I like it this way.  The chance of disappointment is far lower with him living out of state.  If there is anything I have learned from my shady past strewn with horrific CL dates, it is that you will ALWAYS be disappointed.  It is about as certain as getting herpes from Tiger Woods.  Put a bow on that shit and break out the Valtrex because it's a done deal.

Anyway, we might meet up the next time he comes to SD on business...but I suspect I have a greater chance of having my eyes pecked out by a West Nile ravaged bird than actually meeting this guy at any point in the future.  But that's totally fine.  My goal was not to meet a guy off of CL.  This was merely a preparatory exercise for phase 2...which will start as soon as McDreamy Boy fails to entertain me.  However....his main use right now is to function as a HUGE distraction from what I am about to do tomorrow.  I need anything and everything I can find to help me get through this coming weekend!

OMG

Okay.  I have officially made my last trek down into the loser abyss affectionately known as craigslist.  The joy of rejecting 50+ men that probably fail to function at a normal level in society wears off more quickly than one would hope.  That joy actually turns into a feeling somewhere between nausea and depression and can also result in dry heaves after viewing some of the pictures that accompany said responses.  I really had no idea how many people have been viciously attacked by the ugly stick.  And I do mean vicious.  Terrible, unspeakable things have been done to these people.  Okay...the depression is coming back.  I better tell you the good news.

A very select group of individuals made it through to the email round...and of those select few one came out victorious.  OMG!  McDreamy Boy is by far my best craigslist find yet.  Not only is McDreamy Boy fucking beautiful but he's over 6 feet tall, he has a job, he has kids, and he can match my wit.  Quite the feat indeed.  Let me explain something though.  There are 2 types of hot.  There is out-of-my-league-so-fucking-hot-I-could-never-in-a-million-years-get-you kind of hot and there is almost-out-of-my-league-way-fucking-hot-but-I-might-stand-a-chance kind of hot (anything else is just "cute").  He's the kind of hot that I could possibly land in real life...but it would definitely require a good hair day...and a push-up bra...and possibly a nose job.  But it's do-able.  So....am I going to meet McDreamy Boy?  You better fucking believe it!

Snakes On a Plane (Bring It)

I have a plan.  My plan is simple yet effective and, although it's been suggested, does not involve prostitution--even though that might actually be my best option.  You get paid to have sex.  Sounds easy to me.  I suffered through years of sex with my ex-husband that I didn't get paid for.  In my opinion prostitution would have been a step up.  In fact I should just consider his huge child support checks as my back-pay and call it good.

My plan has 3 steps.  The first step is to lay the foundation.  I need a little boost.  I need to know that there are some guys out there desperate enough to want to date me.  And where better to find desperate guys than CL?  Please bear in mind...I am not looking for dates during this step.  I just want to know that I am wanted by some guys...no matter how gross or creepy (and yes, this speaks volumes about my own desperation at this time--there is no need to point and laugh).  Once I am no longer plagued with self loathing I will move on to step #2.

Here is my CL ad:

I'm not going to lie. Posting on CL is not my first choice when it comes to meeting men...so in the spirit of full disclosure, if we do wind up meeting I will never admit to anyone that we met on craigslist--please don't fight me on this one.

Here's the deal. I am divorced. As it turns out getting married at 19 doesn't always turn out quite as well as you thought it would while you were drunk in Vegas saying " I do." I consider that a lesson learned and will make every effort to be sober next time I tie the knot. I also have kids. Two of them. They are both at least halfway to 18 which means they are pretty much on "cruise control" now. I figure I parented them well enough during the early years that reality TV and video games can now put the finishing touches on them and get them ready for the real world. So other than the birthing videos that I might make you watch (to scare you into NOT impregnating me) you probably won't even know I have kids.

I don't want to get your hopes up or anything but other than being damaged goods with some carry-on baggage I am sort of awesome (this is my ad and I can write whatever I want to). I was an ugly duckling up until my 20's--which means I was forced to develop a personality because I couldn't rely on my looks to carry me through life. Luckily things changed for the better when I stopped getting perms and wearing clothes my mom made for me. Getting my braces off and plucking my eyebrows probably helped a little too.

If you think we might hit it off please feel free to send me an email...or contact CPS directly to file your complaint about my parenting skills. Either way, have a great day.

Game on.  Bring it!

Throw It In The Bag

I found myself doing something unthinkable when I dropped the kids off at school today.  I mentally undressed their principal.  I am pretty sure that this is something the PTA would not encourage...thank heaven I saved the $7 and didn't join this year.  I think that makes him fair game.  If he's going to stand out there in dockers and a Northface vest then he's got to understand that he's setting himself up to be objectified by moms (at least the single ones that couldn't get a date if their life depended on it.)  This is a new low.  Even for me.

There is really only one option here.  I have GOT to get myself a date.  Not only will it help me put Vegas Boy behind me once and for all (maybe) but since I already suck at dating I doubt things are going to get any better if I sit on my ass for 8 months while my ex is deployed.  But I have absolutely no prospects.  No friends to set me up...no guys to at work to flirt with...nothing at all.  Okay then....throw it in the bag bitches...I am getting back on the internet!

Tik Tok

Since I have an extremely long (and consistent) history of not being able to find myself a decent guy....my mom has volunteered to be my wing man.  I think this is her way of trying to make up for dressing me like Helen Keller when I was a kid.  I am almost certain that nothing could be more embarrassing than having your own mother pimp you out on a cruise ship.  But honestly I will take whatever help I can get at this point, after all, my dignity is already gone--I handed that over to Vegas Boy.  Not protesting at my mother's offer to find me a man is confirmation that I have reached the gates of dating purgatory and they are WIDE open.  I am in hell.

Long story short:  shockingly enough--Mom hooked me up!  Cruise Boy was very good looking, well within my age range, and all things considered (there has GOT to be something wrong with a 30 year old man working on a cruise ship) was a pretty good catch.  We chatted, flirted, laughed, and had a great time.  He kept my mind far from Vegas Boy during the rest of the cruise.  Unfortunately, he also made me realize that as much as I joke about my pathetic dating life I really do want to find someone....although preferably not someone who has graduated from Carnival Cruise Lines University with a BA in hosting Family Feud.  It's been 4+ years since my divorce...shouldn't I have had a serious relationship by now?  Every tic of the clock reminds me that I am alone...completely and utterly alone.  Tik tok.  Tik tok.  I need to do something about this or just shut the fuck up already.

I'm On A Boat

I am back from the cruise and it was GREAT!  If any of you have had the pleasure of seeing how much food I can cram down my gullet (it is truly a sight to behold!) then you would know that cruising is right up my alley.  Endless food 24/7.  It was heaven on earth for me.  But obviously no one is here reading my blog hoping I will tell you all about my meals and snacks.  No.  You want the good stuff.  Well, lets just get one thing out of the way right now--there are 2 types of people that go on cruises:  families and lesbians.  I have never been visually accosted by so many carpet munchers in my entire frigging life.  No offense to the gay community or anything...but if you look like Rosie O'Donnell please do not undress me with your eyes--you are nasty and gross and even in my deepest, darkest hour of desperation I will not be switching teams--especially not for you.  Move along please.

There was one hot guy in my immediate vicinity my first day out by the pool.  He had a nice body, a great tan, and was pretty darn cute.  I almost immediately began to have impure thoughts about him.  He walked by me (which was a little out of his way) much more often than necessary...we made eye contact...we smiled...we were both obviously checking each other out.  When I saw him later at lunch with his little sister and parents I excused myself to go take a shower (and NO, not to do THAT!).  Holyfuck!  I am practically a pedophile on the fast track to a prison sentence.  This is not good.  I'm on a boat with boys that aren't legal...and dads that have absolutely no business taking their shirts off in public.  I'm going to need some liquor.  Lots and lots of liquor.

But all hope is not lost.  I have realized a huge error in my way of thinking...I have been looking at the wrong people--the passengers are not my man candy.  The hot young LEGAL guys are the ones that WORK on the boat!  My mind flashes to Dirty Dancing.  This is going to be awesome.  I am Baby in search of my Johnny.  I can hear the theme song right now.  It's time to go slumming!

Thnks Fr Th Mmrs

I'm not going to do it.  As much as I believe I have an inner ho-bag trapped deep inside of me it just isn't going to happen.  I am not going to "date" a 23 year old.  I don't particularly find enjoyment in beating my head against a wall which is what this would equate to.  Except this wall has the possibility of giving me the clap or the herp or whatever else might cause burning and itching and general unpleasantness.  I just can't justify sleeping with someone just to sleep with them.  I feel the need to guard my vajayjay against harmful things in my quest for a man--lets face it, my divorce and kids are baggage enough.  I really don't need an STD raining on my parade of awesomeness.

The cruise is fast approaching and I am pretty sure that after being gone for a week it won't be hard to phase out Smoking Hot Body Boy.  With any luck he will fade away without a fight.  I am a pussy when it comes to being blunt with people--yet another glaring reminder of my social retardation.  I am really amazed I have made it this far in life without being heavily medicated...although maybe that would help.  I still find myself thinking about Vegas Boy way more than I should and how I wish I could have a do-over.  Thanks for the memories...thanks for the memories...

Not Myself Tonight

I met a boy.  And by "met" I mean I made out with him.  And by "boy" I mean that he's only 23.  My friend and I had another girl's night out....a mucho successful girl's night out!  I am batting a thousand at one particular joint downtown and it is quickly becoming my "go to" place when I need a self-esteem boost.  Fact:  this boy had one of the most smoking hot bodies I have ever had the pleasure of being pressed up against.  All I can say is DAMN!  I am not usually one to paw at a guy I barely know but in this situation I found out that my self-control is less than stellar.  And after I caught a glimpse of his abs I was pretty much drooling on myself...clearly a quality that all men seek in a woman.

I am not sure what it is about me that the young ones like.  I can only hope they don't have some sort of radar that senses desperation and therefore gravitate towards me like a fat kid to a cupcake.  I honestly try as hard as possible to hide my desperation and will be eternally crushed to find out that men have a 6th sense about it.  If that's the case I really have no hopes of landing another husband--time is NOT on my side (I am aging about as well as a piece of beef jerky).  I might as well face the facts and go get a couple cats after work today.  So anyway...Smoking Hot Body Boy was super sweet.  He asked for my phone number...sent me a text about 5 minutes later...and has been texting me regularly the past several days.  He really wants to see me again...which I assume means he really wants to have sex with me...since we obviously don't have much to talk about.  I'm definitely not myself tonight because I can't believe I am actually considering this...

Killing Me Softly

I must not being doing this right because it's not getting any easier.  I'm trying to focus on the kids and getting into bikini shape but it isn't helping.  I miss him.  I even miss his ring tone--especially his ring tone!  What once use to be an indicator that he was in Vegas thinking about me is now just a huge chasm of silence.  The sound that could light me up and awaken the butterflies in my stomach is no more.  It's been over a week now and the silence is killing me...killing me softly...if you would consider being bludgeoned to death with a cleaver as "softly".  This blows.

I am now at the stage where I am second guessing myself.  Did I really need to push him to express his "feelings" for me?  What the fuck was I thinking?  Who the hell does that to a guy?  No guy wants to be put in that position.  There were plenty of indicators that he cared about me.  I am now about 60% sure that he wasn't using me for sex.  60% aint bad right?  It could be worse.  If I start judging things based on "it could have been worse" then in retrospect things are starting to look pretty damn good.  Who would drive from Vegas to San Diego for a booty call anyway?  The boy is FINE--he definitely doesn't have to drive 5 hours for sex.  I completely self-sabotaged any possible relationship I could have had with Vegas Boy because I have the emotional maturity of newborn.  I officially suck at life.

Ridin' Solo

Don't get your panties in a wad. I didn't call or text him. Well, not until Monday. It was kind of like the urge to poke a sleeping bear...or push people down stairs...or microwave tinfoil--you just WANT to do it but you don't really know why. In this case I did have a somewhat viable reason to contact him. I left my favorite Holister jacket in Vegas Boy's car and I wanted it back REALLY bad (I got it on clearance which added to the sting of its possible loss). My text was witty but to the point...he could have taken it several different ways which was my master plan. What he writes back will speak volumes about his mindset over these last 3 days of silence. His response (drum roll please), "OK. I will mail it tomorrow." Wow! He clearly wants me back. That simple text of 6 words is practically oozing with sexual innuendo and wanton undertones. I am so ecstatic that my heart is racing, I am flushed, and I think I am even starting to sweat a little. Oh wait....I am having an allergic reaction to the expired Prozac I found in my medicine cabinet last night. Great. 

Okay. New plan. I am going to work my ass off and get in the best shape of my life for my upcoming cruise to Mexico. I hadn't even thought of the many possibilities this cruise could offer if I were single and looking. Ridin' solo might be fantastic! My willpower has been renewed. The cruise is only 3 weeks away. I am bound to think of Vegas Boy less and less each passing day...and by the time I get back from the cruise he will be but a distant memory. In theory this sounds like it might work. Of course my past experience is telling me that I am going to crash and burn, make a fool out of myself, and sustain some sort of debilitating physical injury...but at least I will look good

Bad Romance

(This entry was posted out of order last week--sorry) If getting home at 3:30 AM isn't the sign of a successful night then I don't know what is. Girls night out couldn't have been any better and I am feeling pretty friggin good about myself right now. Do NOT underestimate the boost you can get from making out with a random cute boy at a club. I guess the fact that Random Boy couldn't shut up about how hot he thought I was (thank you poor lighting!) and how tight my body was (thank you Bender Ball!) didn't hurt in the least. I often frown on the girls that publicly suck face with a guy they just met...but I was totally that girl...and it was awesome. As an added bonus I am pretty sure I didn't catch anything--I got just what I wanted...an entire night without a single thought of Vegas Boy.

But the high didn't last very long. I am missing him. I am fighting the urge to text him and I am avoiding Facebook so I won't be temped to succumb to social network stalking. I am totally the "internet stalking" type (I now have him hidden from my news feed as an extra precaution). I can only hope that this is going to get easier because I am weak and pathetic and I want him back more than anything right now. I keep reminding myself that a bruised ego will heal...that's all this is. I wanted to prove to myself that I could get someone who once rejected me...but who the fuck cares? It is what it is and I need to move on from this bad romance...which is the exact opposite of what I am doing while I reach for my cell phone...

Hot Mess

We broke it off via text.  He didn't even have the decency to call me.  What is it with me and douche bags?  Why is every guy I like a complete ass hole?  And for the love of baby Jesus why, after all of this, do I still like him and want him and can't stop thinking about him??  I might need therapy after all.  Or I need a girl's night out.  Since a girl's night out doesn't involve me baring my dark and damaged soul to someone while they charge me ass loads of money I think I will go with a girl's night out.  It's cheaper and funner (yes I know that funner isn't a word) and offers the chance of a making out with someone.  This could be exactly what I need right now!

For the record...when I go out and have a goal of making out with a cute boy I rarely fail.  In fact, Halloween may have been my only failure...but I am blaming that on the venue--there just wasn't enough selection (I refuse to believe I looked THAT hideous in my costume).  I am heading out for a night on the town armed with the bitterness of being screwed by Vegas Boy (and not in a good way) and showing plenty of cleavage--I'm basically a hot mess.  Failure is not an option.  I desperately need to stop thinking about Vegas Boy...I need a distraction...even if only for a night...even if I have to be drunk...even if I need a shot of penicillin in the morning.  Well...maybe not the penicillin.

In My Head

I am the master of subtlety. Truly I am. Which is how I chose to handle the Vegas Boy issue. But as it turns out boys are stupid and don't respond to subtlety--go figure. After several failed attempts to do this in a way that would maintain a tiny bit of my dignity I finally laid it all on the line...against my better judgment I was completely forward and honest and all that dumb crap that makes guys wonder if you are on the rag. All I got out of him was "I like you a lot--let's leave it at that for now." Are you fucking kidding me? This is not the response I was hoping for. This isn't even a response that is acceptable at this point.

Now I am playing our weekends over again in my head...this time I am seeing it all in a whole different light. O....M....Fing....G! I've been had like a two bit hooker. For the past 2 months I have been the star of "He's Just Not That Into You." I am pretty sure there is only one thing he was "into" if you get my drift. Ugh. I feel like a complete and utter idiot right now. Lucky for me I've been an idiot on enough occasions that I feel an odd sense of familiarity as it welcomes me back with open arms.

There is a silver lining though. Along with the realization that he's just not that into me comes something even better. Something I probably would have had to pay a shit ton of money in therapy to discover. Vegas Boy represents all the rejection I faced from elementary school through high school. He's the Holy Grail of boys that I wanted but could never have...that I never even stood a chance at having...that never even knew I existed. Having him now would somehow cancel out all that rejection and would prove I am not the homely loser I was back then. Wow--I've reached a new height of emotional dysfunction (even by my standards). But now I know what I have to do. I have to walk away. I SUCK at this part though. I don't want to walk away. I want the boy. I don't want to admit defeat. I want my fucking trophy! I want him to want me--but he doesn't. Welcome to Loserville. Population: 1.

Kryptonite

Aaaahhhh....Vegas Boy (sigh). If I was a superhero Vegas Boy would be my kryptonite. I have no idea why he has the effect on me that he does but it is useless to fight it--absolutely and utterly useless. All it really took was an email and a couple text messages and we were back in business with our hot and heavy flirting. I knew I would have to step it up a bit to get back on his radar but I am not completely without charm. My morals and values might be in question but my charm is undeniable (this might be a slight exaggeration but whatever). 

Vegas Boy came to visit me for the weekend...and it was great. We have lots of fun together. Granted, our clothes are off quite often but it isn't as though we can't carry on a conversation or anything. It is evident that we have excellent chemistry but as it turns our personalities are also a good compliment to each other too. After having "fun" all weekend it was now my turn to head to Vegas. Between my 2 trips up to Vegas he took me to a show at the Wynn, hiking at Red Rock, showed me his office (if you can call a porn studio an office), took me to dinner, cooked for me, etc. Both times I had a fantastic time and our affectionate sarcasm towards each other had found a perfect rhythm. 

I hate how much I like Vegas Boy. I really REALLY do. If I knew he was as into me as I am into him it wouldn't be so fucking annoying...but I don't know that. I might never know that. Unless I ask...

Blah Blah Blah

I am a dip shit and for that I am very sorry--blah blah blah, etc etc etc.  But get over it and just thank baby Jesus that I am back blogging because you all know that reading about my fucked up life really makes you feel better about yourself (which is selfish and you should be ashamed).  However, I will accept the fact that my blog is a public service to my 7 followers and be content that my life, although a disaster in its own right, can bring people joy and happiness in the form of side splitting laughter at my expense.  I am nothing if not a humanitarian.

It will probably take a week of blog entries to update you on the 5 months I was MIA....damn that's sad.  5 blog entries to sum up 5 months.  Wow.  If my self-esteem could actually get any lower this might really make me feel pathetic.  Lucky me I guess.  On to the update:

You may think that my failure to continue blogging was because I met someone great from my CL ad and was off in blissful happiness with my new love.  I am laughing my ass off right now at the absurdity of that notion.  It would have been more likely that I was killed by someone from CL and none of you had heard about it because my body was never found.  But fear not faithful readers...like with most things in my life I merely lost interest in my CL boys about a week or so after I posted my ad.  Out of all my replies I had one guy with major potential though.  We shared many witty emails before moving on to phone conversations where I dazzled him with my brilliant charm and pure awesomeness.  CL Boy was from New York so he had an accent that made me want to start peeling my clothes off in the middle of each conversation (is this just me?).  He was funny and smart...in shape and really cute...owned a home and was employed--shockingly enough, all the things you don't expect from CL.  But there was a problem...and unfortunately it was a deal breaker.  He was a man-child.  He stood a mere 5'8" off the ground.  I tried to get over it.  Really I did.  He was 28 so my hopes that he would hit a growth spurt were futile.  We were set to meet twice...and twice I flaked on him (and yes I used fake "kid" excuses each time).  After flaking on him the second time I just stopped responding to his calls and emails--what was the point?  So, with my self-esteem marginally boosted due to my CL ad (yes, having a midget from CL want to meet me actually increased my self-esteem--stop judging me!!!) I shifted my focus back to Vegas Boy and that's when things started to heat up...